The List


Casual Dating

Serious Dating


Give First, Lead Best

There are cases where the two of you disagree on two good options. In those cases, one spouse has the opportunities to be flexible – to give in. This is the precise point where husbands have a chance to give in first.

The best time to show love is when it is hard and requires personal sacrifice.

Giving means taking one for the team. Love is not an affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the other person’s ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.

Faith vs formulas

1 + 1= 2. Emotional purity + Biblical courtship = Godly marriage. But life doesn’t work that way. You can do everything “right” and your life can still go wrong. You can do everything “wrong” and still be blessed. Rain falls on the good and evil. Time and chance happen to them all. People who follow the courtship formula still get divorced. Or stuck in terrible marriages. Courtship is not the assurance of a good marriage. Life is too complicated for that. Love involves vulnerability. When you choose to love, you are choosing to accept risking a broken heart. No formula can protect you. Life involves risk. Following God involves risk. He is not a “safe” God. But He is good.

I don’t think God likes formulas, because formulas run contrary to faith. Formula says, “I will follow a God that I’ve put neatly in a box, and He will give me the desired results.” Faith says, “I will follow You even when I can’t see where I’m going, even when the world is collapsing around me.” Formula says, “I will not risk. I will be in control of my future.” Faith says “I will risk everything. I will trust Him whom I cannot see, surrender what I cannot control anyway.” Formula is the assurance of things planned for, the conviction of things seen. Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1). But we are afraid. So we control instead of trust. We don’t take a step unless we can see where we’re going. We build neat little formulas and say “THIS will keep me safe!” Then we blame God when our puny formulas fail.

Excerpt from

What kills love?

“What kills love? Only this: Neglect. Not to see you when you stand before me. Not to think of you in the little things. Not to make the road wide for you, the table spread for you. To choose you out of habit not desire, to pass the flower seller without a thought. To leave the dishes unwashed, the bed unmade, to ignore you in the mornings, make use of you at night. To crave another while pecking your cheek. To say your name without hearing it, to assume it is mine to call.”

How to Deal with Annoying Personal Habits

There is a large and sometimes serious problem that comes from being honest with your spouse about his or her annoying personal habits: the behavior may not change. This (ideally) does not happen out of spite. Rather, old habits are just hard to change. What do you do to prevent this problem from spiraling out of control?

Pepper your conversation with subtle remarks in hopes your spouse will take a hint.

Give up on the subtle remarks and remind your spouse for the 127th time that…

Do nothing and assume your spouse will figure it out on his own.

An excerpt from There’s a Spouse in My House by Peter Scott

Have You Moved Past the Infatuation Stage 2?

Name 3 meaningful things you dislike about your significant other.

If there is nothing you dislike about the other person, you are most likely still be in the infatuation stage. Which is fine – enjoy yourselves! But don’t make any big plans or decisions. Because you don’t know each other well enough yet.

Advice from a Biola professor


Marry Young

Young adults have increasingly come to see marriage as a ‘capstone’ rather than a ‘cornerstone’—that is, something they do after they have all their other ducks in a row, rather than as a foundation for launching into adulthood and parenthood.”

Marriage actually works best as a formative institution, not an institution you enter once you think you’re fully formed. We learn marriage, just as we learn language, and to the teachable, some lessons just come easier earlier in life. It’s important, of course, that people enter into marriage with some level of maturity and self-possession, for one’s own sake and that of the other person. But the greatest gift of marriage… is the formation that occurs through the give and take of living in lifelong communion with another.

An excerpt from “The case for getting married young” by Karen Swallow Prior

Marriage wasn’t something we did after we’d grown up—it was how we have grown up and grown together.

Marriage doesn’t require a big bank account, a dazzling resumé, or a televised wedding—it requires maturity, commitment, and a desire to grow up together.

An excerpt from “I married young” by Julia Shaw